A Toast to the Happy Couple
by Professor Cheesecake
Summary: "The first time I met Blaine Anderson," she drawled, "I punched him in the face." -Future!AU in which the story of how Klaine met is told in parts at their wedding. Oneshot.


**Future!AU: The story of how Kurt and Blaine became _KurtandBlaine_ broken up into wedding speeches.**

* * *

_Ding ding ding ding_

She cleared her throat. "Hi, all." She smiled in greeting, a little shyer than she was used to. "So, I know that traditionally, at a wedding, there's a Best Man, there's the Maid of Honour, flower girl, and so on and so forth." She paused, looking around the room. "Well, traditionally there's also a bride and a groom, and I have walked in on _certain things_ one too many times to believe that either of these two are a bride." The audience laughed appreciatively, and both the grooms blushed brightly. "So this wedding party is a little odd; we have two Best Men, we have a self-titled Best Woman of Honour, and then there's me, your MC for the evening. I was going to be another Best Woman of Honour, but the grooms decided I talk too much." She paused to take a sip of water. "So now that I have proved just how much I over speak, I'll finally introduce myself: my name is Rachel Berry. And I've been forbidden to tell you all what I do for a living, because most of you already know because you probably know _me_, and even if you don't you'll probably recognize me if you know _anything_ about Broadway, and even then you might've heard of the low budget mov-"

"_Rachel!"_

"-and because I've been told I never get off the topic." She flashed her award winning smile. "Back to the point, I hope you're all settled in well, and dinner will be served shortly. For now feel free to continue mingling as you were before. Thank you."

* * *

Burt Hummel smiled proudly as he stepped up to the microphone. "Uh, hi." He said. "So, I'm no good with speeches, so you're gonna have to ignore me being an idiot, got it? Alright. Anyway, I'm the groom's father-but that doesn't say much, because I don't know if you noticed, but there are two grooms. Mine is the one who was in the news three weeks ago because he fell off his balcony because he decided to see if he could stand wearing high heels outside." The audience laughed, and aforementioned groom ducked his head in embarrassment.

"But you see, though, that's not why we're here," continued Burt, "that's why we were at the hospital and doing that weird mix of laughing and crying and being shocked because he fell three stories and got away with a sprained ankle. We're here because my kid-that awesome kid who refuses to admit defeat to anybody or anything, whether it's some homophobic ass or a casting director that says his voice sounds funny or even _gravity_-is getting _married_." He paused. "_Married_."

His voice was filled with such awe that even the youngest of guests who didn't entirely understand what was going on smiled and shared in his awe.

He cleared his throat. "My point is, it hasn't really sunk in yet. I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and expect him to call me up and ask if I can send his blueberry scarf over to New York, and then call me a week later and tell me I sent the Mark and Jacob one, and now his outfit is ruined and he has no idea what to wear now." He let the audience chuckle.

"The thing about our family," he said, "is that it's a little mismatched. We've got me, the lumberjack of a mechanic; we've got Carole, that beautiful nurse sitting over there at the table, we've got Finn-the giant sitting next to Carole, and we've got Kurt, the boy who, well, who's willing to wear high heels out in public even though he fell off a balcony for 'em. And even though they're not with us-physically, at least- we've also got Kurt's mother, Molly Elizabeth; the college professor who showed our little boy that there is nothing more fun than being who you are, and Finn's father, Christopher Jonathon, the bravest and most honourable man that I wish I'd met. We've all got times that we hate each other, but in the end, we're all knit tighter than Kurt's fancy scarves.

And with that, I wanna say just how glad, how downright _honoured_ I am to welcome Blaine Anderson into our chaotic little bunch. And I'm not gonna lie, at one point, I didn't think Kurt would find someone like you, kid. I was scared that nobody would be as brave and as open as the guy I _knew_ Kurt deserved. But then, lo and behold, Kurt fell for you. Literally." He grinned, "And if you can make it through all of Kurt's friends and family and _life_ and come through it holding onto him, tighter than ever, despite the chaos that surrounds the kid? Boy, you've got a hell of a lot of courage about you. And thank you_, so much_, for being you. You two are lucky to have each other. Don't you ever forget it."

* * *

Santana Lopez walked up to the microphone with a smirk. "The first time I met Blaine Anderson," she drawled, "I punched him in the face."

Her grin turned almost feline as the audience exclaimed in shock appropriately.

"You might understand why, until now, only the happy couple and I knew about that tidbit of information." She grinned again, this time looking considerably friendlier. "You see, when you've got a famous friend-and let's face it, if we're here, that means that we've got one-you get a little paranoid over who you hang out with and trust. Some people might say it's sad how you can't really trust people very easily anymore. I'm not one of those people." She winked. "So I was hanging out with Kurt, walking to his apartment with a cup of coffee even though it was like, six in the afternoon-because _damn_ this boy is addicted to caffeine-and this hobbit _bounces_ up to us like a freakin' _puppy, _and just starts yapping away about some sort of job offer or something-I wasn't paying attention, I was too busy freaking out about a potential crazy stalker-and then he goes to _hug_ Kurt, and at that point it was just reflex for me to introduce my fist to his face.

"So then the next moment, the hobbit puppy is now bent over and his nose is like a fountain of blood, and Kurt is torn between yelling at me for hitting the guy and becoming doting Nurse Hummel, and I'm wondering why Kurt wanted to help the random stranger who tried to hug him. And let me make this clear," she said sternly, "that Kurt Hummel has his comfort zone. And if you do not have special permission into his comfort zone, it does not matter who you are, _he will hurt you_. So you know, I sort of thought he'd be a little grateful that I would be the one handling the potential lawsuit instead of him.

"So you can understand why I was concerned for Kurt's mental health when he wrapped an arm around this random hobbit stranger and rushed towards his apartment. I was so close to panicking, especially when we actually got to Kurt's door. At that point I just grabbed his arm and yelled at him, asking what was going on. I'm not going to repeat what I said, because it's not kid friendly. Or hobbit friendly, or...well, it's not friendly." She smiled and shook her head. "And he just shrieked right back at me and said '_he's my _boyfriend_, Satan, and I think you just broke his nose_!'"

Santana smiled and shrugged. "Oops." She said lightly.

"So as it turns out his nose wasn't broken, which was a good thing. As it also turns out, blood had gotten all over his bowtie, which, if any of you know Blaine at all, was a _bad_ thing. And even so, at that point, I _didn't_ know Blaine and I still got the hint about his love for that bowtie, because his face was all bloody and there was a nasty bruise all over his nose, but he was staring at the bowtie like his dog had just gotten run over. In fact, he looked so miserable about that silly bowtie that I ended up running out and buying him a new one. And I am not a nice person."

She grinned and took a sip of water. "My point is-and yes, I do have one, I just like that story a _lot_-when I got back from getting the bowtie, Kurt and Blaine were just kind of looking at each other super shyly, and finally Blaine said '_are you sure_?' and Kurt just grinned and said, '_if you ask me one more time I won't be_'. And I obviously had no idea what they were talking about, until Kurt just grabbed the bloody bowtie and said, '_if anything, I should be the one asking you if you're sure, since you're the one that got punched in the face. Do you really want to be my boyfriend after that?_'"

She turned to Blaine, who was staring at his new husband with a lovesick smile on his face. "Are you still sure?" she asked.

He just continued smiling.

* * *

"I forgot my speech at home."

Finn Hudson sat back down and resumed scribbling an impromptu speech on a napkin.

* * *

"It seems that when anybody talks about meeting the happy couple, it usually involves pain, doesn't it? Ms Lopez punched Blaine in the face, those nurses from three weeks ago were fixing a sprained ankle, and Kurt fell into my lap." Cooper Anderson nodded solemnly. "That is a sensitive area that did not take kindly to having a surprisingly heavy person slamming into it." Cooper decided he was actually rather proud of himself for not making an innuendo out of that sentence.

"You see, it was my little brother's birthday. And Blaine here, he really likes musicals. He doesn't get to see 'em much, though, since he's usually too busy _working_-" Cooper mock-glared at his brother "-and then he complains to me about it. Which _really_ doesn't make sense; he's got about a billion buddies who love singing and love musicals about a billion times more than I do. The closest I've come to liking musicals is singing a little jingle in a commercial.

"So I took the little bugger to a Broadway musical. Front row seats, too; when I showed up with the tickets, he totally flipped out. Apparently I did something right for once. He kept staring up at the stage with eyes bigger than dinner plates. I personally think it looks kind of freaky when he does it, but everyone else says he's adorable. I dunno, is it a brother thing or something? Anyway, so he's really liking this musical, so much that he's practically vibrating. I, on the other hand, am too busy trying to figure out why that one girl is green. But then this one character - a pretty blonde girl, if anybody's interested - slips on something that probably shouldn't be onstage, and falls into somebody else, who falls into somebody else, and they all start falling like dominoes. This is all happening really fast, too, it took about two seconds for the blonde girl to slip for the domino line of people to reach Kurt, who was dancing near the edge of the stage. The person closest to him is really tall and heavy-looking, too, so when he hits Kurt he practically body slams him – and suddenly I've got a lapful of Broadway star."

Cooper shook his head remorsefully. "And because of the chaos – and because of my, eh, _damaged good_s – the cast was generous enough to give us some backstage passes as an apology. They also gave me an ice pack, but that really doesn't have much to do with the story. So we go hang out backstage, and they end up singing Blaine 'happy birthday' - I've never heard a prettier rendition of the song, but hey it's Broadway – and Kurt Hummel, boy who fell in my lap, gives Blaine a whopper of a birthday present: his phone number." He grinned, "At the time I was actually a little bitter because it was _me_ that he had potentially crippled, but I figure Blaine used that number better than I ever would.

"So let's all raise a glass to the crazy couple; because I promise you, these crazy stories we've been telling you? Only the beginning."

* * *

"Hey, uh, bro, I'm _really_ sorry about forgetting my speech, dude. Really sorry." Said Finn Hudson, his face vaguely resembling that of a kicked puppy's. "So I'm gonna mostly wing it, if you don't mind."

"So, Blaine. _Dude_, you're gonna be my brother now. That-that's pretty awesome. I keep collecting them, y'know? Not on purpose, but uh, Kurt became my brother back in high school. And I've got a lot of friends that I call my brothers, and most of 'em are here today. And now you too! And, Cooper too, right? So we're all family. And the thing about family is, well, it's really weird. Not everybody's is the same, I mean there's people like Rachel over there," he gestured to Rachel's seat at the head table, who preened under the attention, "who's got two gay dads, and there's people like Puck, who's got his mom and his sister and they're his favourite people. _Ever_. And we've got a huge, conjoined family that just never ends, and I never want it to. It's like...like snowflakes. Everybody is their own snowflake, and we've got our family, and that's those little clumps of snowflakes. And then there's the family that we add to it, like you guys right now, getting married. You guys are making us into a big snowball. And you guys are making us the happiest snowball ever.

"Congrats, guys, because our snowball is never gonna melt."

* * *

Kurt Hummel beamed into the microphone. "I am so ridiculously happy right now," he said, "and I just... I want to thank you all. For being here, for Blaine and I. I just...I know that tonight is going to be the night that I remember for the rest of my life. And god, it's gorgeous, I...thank you." He smiled at his husband happily as he took the microphone.

"Ditto." Blaine winked. "I'm...I'm honestly trying not to cry right now." He chuckled, wiping at the corner of his eye with the palm of his hand. "Thank you for being here, for participating in the only night where you'll clink your glasses to get us to kiss instead of yelling at us to get a room-" the audience chuckled in agreement, "-and for loving us as much as we love you. Because honestly, I'd hug every one of you if I could; but that would take too long, and besides, I don't want to leave my brand new husband alone for a second. I'm clingy." He squeezed Kurt's waist for emphasis, and Kurt chuckled, resting his head atop of Blaine's.

"My life has dramatically improved since I met Blaine," said Kurt, taking the microphone again, "and so I really don't mind how clingy he gets. I'm clingier. We'd have a clingy battle but I'm pretty sure Santana would puke. So again, thank you for the best night of my life. And I sound repetitive as hell right now, but there really are no words for tonight. Thank you."

* * *

"No regrets, just love."

The microphone was switched off.

* * *

**DONE! At long last. Thanks for reading, and reviews make me happy ;D**

**I began writing this on the night of my aunt Branwen's wedding; it was the first and only wedding I've ever been to, and I thought it was beautiful. So obviously, being the gleek I am, I thought about what would the people around Kurt/Blaine would say when they get married? And when the groom's buddy said "everybody knew something was going on between Tom and Branwen the night of Branwen's party. It could have been the fact that Branwen changed about ten times before the party started, or it could have been the fact that Tom showed up with a bonsai tree. A shaved head, too, but I have no idea why he decided to do that." I thought about a couple of different scenarios for Klaine to have met. **

**No shaved heads, though. I like their hair too much. **

**(find me at twitter/tumblr! I'm RynMoSi and cuteandcompactectosignature . tumblr . com -though I'm trying to come up with a new URL, so that might change soon)**


End file.
